Tig Notaro - No moleste

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Saturday Night Live - S37E01

Shepard: Thursday’s debate, you said  you believed Americans should pay no taxes at all; how would that work?

Michele: Shep, I believe paying no taxes can help us return to the America I love. Not the America of Ronald Reagan, not the America of the founding fathers, but rather the America of thousands of years ago in which feral bands of mud people lived in their caves, never worrying that Barack Obama was gonna come and take their hard-earned pelts or infringe on their right to bear spears. That’s my America.

Shepard: And how do you rebound from you falling poll numbers?

Michele: Ah, Shepard, I am persistent, and when I want something I won’t take no for an answer. Take for instance, when I first met my husband. We were both at a party and I saw him across the room acting out all the parts from the musical Grease. Smitten, I asked him out for a hot water and lemon. He said, “Miss thing, here’s a quarter, buy yourself a clue.” But I wouldn’t give up. In closing: fences, Jesus, papilloma, eye balls.

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Family Guy - S10E01

Joe: Hey Peter, you wanted me to watch the entire first season of True Blood and come show you where there was boob?

Peter: That’s right, I don’t want to see any actual True Blood, just boob.

Joe: Yeah well I found some.

Peter: No! Anna Paquin boob does not count as real boob. That’s like looking at a 12-year old boy. Jeez, you should know that Joe! You should definitely know that!

Joe: Sorry, Peter.

Peter: Sorry doesn’t show me nipples worth seeing! And as for you, Anna, you’re dreadful and so is the program.

Anna: I didn’t write it!

Peter: Yeah, but you know the people who do. That Alan Ball, you know him, right?

Anna: Yeah.

Peter: How come everything he writes is so dreary?

Anna: I don’t know?!

Peter: Tell him to cheer up! Things ain’t so bad!

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my personal idol for high-functioning obsession/wonderment

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The Midnight Show - School of French Kissing for Dogs

I almost died, from the loling

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